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Wokeness Wins the Ball Game: Cracker Jack Gets Upgraded to 'Cracker Jill'

Do you enjoy being taken out to the ballgame? What do you eat with your pack of peanuts?

Thanks to gender equality, the answer should no longer be “Cracker Jack.”

In a men-maiming move, Frito-Lay has repackaged its iconic candy.

Since manly mentions are Jacked up, feminists everywhere can now tear into a box of “Cracker Jill.”

OfficialFritoLay’s YouTube channel boasts an ad in praise of the improvement.

The company subscribes to a contemporarily common concept — people are unable to live aptly unless they see others who look like themselves:

Sometimes all it takes to believe you can do something is to see someone who looks like you do it first.

The Girl Power promo champions change:

With a legacy in sports, Cracker Jack is proud to support the girls and women who are changing the face of the game with a new face of our own. Introducing…Cracker Jill.

What follows is a revised rendition of baseball’s seminal sing-along:

Take me out to the ball game Take me out to the crowd Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jill No one can stop you if you have the will So let’s root, root, root for the girls team Adding our face to the game And we’ll run, throw, with never a doubt It’s a new ball game

Thousands of years ago, human beings were running around naked in the woods. An entire lifetime could be had without ever viewing one’s own likeness.

But that was then. Needing to perpetually peer into our own punims as we watch what’s happening all around fits perfectly with the narcissism of the now: Everything must be a mirror, and seeing faces similar to our own is “representation.”

Or maybe that’s egregiously overthinking it.

Here’s to hoping little girls everywhere are inspired by the ad. May they know America is rooting for them.

I absolutely am.

Concerning Cracker Jack and modernizing its moniker mistakes, Frito-Lay should figure out there’s more undoing to be done. How about correcting the lingual leftover that’s still propping up prejudice? The game-day goody’s eponym remains a racial slur.

Beyond that, recipe-related modification may be required to take out the treat’s toxic masculinity.

They can amend the name with a feminizing fix, but the leguminous, caramel-coated popcorn persists as manifestly macho.

After all, it’s still tacky. And it still has nuts.


Author: Alex Parker


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